Farm Expansion
by E-arth Duelist
Summary: Harvest Moon DS...I don't need to say more.
1. Chapter 1

Farm Expansion

Chapter 1: Who's Lumber is the Biggest?

In a small town that Jerry named the butt, really called Kippy Town, the group set up camp at a farm and soon, they were a part of the town's culture. What was their job? First, to fire their real estate broker for messing up their trip to hawaii. Second, to sue her for loss of Kalvin's luggage (they lost) and third, to build the best farm possible and get lai...I mean, long lasting relationships. Very long lasting. Like a week!

"It's not called the butt!" Walker yelled. "Now, go get some lumber."

"Lumber for the butt?" Jerry joked as Kalvin showed up. "I have a bigger piece of lumber than you, Jerry."

"Oh really?" Jerry asked. "My lumber is twice the size of yours. The girls love my lumber."

"Wrong, my lumber is the best!" Hayley argued, revealing a giant piece of lumber she had cut. Jerry and Kalvin's smaller pieces they had cut weren't able to be accurately judged, but they lost.

"She's right, her lumber beats ours" Jerry admitted.

"Cap'n, maybe if you use some growth products, it'll get larger" Chatot suggested.

"Or if you worked harder than you stared at the girls!" Hayley cried.

Jerry, Kalvin and TJ looked at her. "Huh? We were looking at the triplets. Maggie, Staggie and Raggie. TJ, you can have raggie."

"Jerry, no. I'm getting Maggie."

"What's their last name?" Kalvin asked.

"Pie."

"Hahaha!" Kalvin laughed. "I wouldn't mind eating some of her pie."

"This is a family rated show!" Walker cried.

"What?" Kalvin asked, asking Maggie for a piece of her pie. She cut him a slice of blueberry pie and he ate it. "Walker, see? I wanted some of her pie."

"Oh...where's Kim?"

"She went to town to go look for the mayor" TJ replied, playing a banjo. Birds landed all around him. "My birdies! Your name is jacob. Jacob the birdie."


	2. Chapter 2

Farm Expansion

Chapter 2: Losing the Bet

Kim found the Mayor by the well. "Yo! Mayor, we need some supplies."

"No."

"But..."

"No. You're not getting anything form me. I refuse to fund another profitless farm. So, go away. Before I call the Mayor."

"Um...go ahead?"

"Okay. I'm calling him..." He dialed on his cell phone and rang. Another cell phone in his pocket rang and he answered. "Hello? Oh hi mayor! There is an unruly woman being nasty with me. No, not like that. I know you like the pretty ones, but...hahaha! Oh, you tease! Now, now. Let's be nice to her. Uh huh. Yeah, I guess she should get something. But...no, there aren't any here. I know, I understand, but..." He hung up both phones. "He said no."

"But, what about the girls?" Kim asked. "There's a really nice looking one."

"Oh, really?" he asked, frowning. "well, I'll have to go check this out for myself." He creeped to the farm slowly and looked at Kalvin. "My my, I see. She is a beauty."

Kim looked at Kalvin and gasped. He was crossdressing!

"I can't believe I lost a bet to Hayley."

"Hello, missy" the mayor said, tipping his hat. "My name is Mr. Mayor. I'm the mayor here and my good friend is the mayor! I would like to give you some supplies for your farm, you pretty thing, you."

"Um...I'm not a lady..." Kalvin tried to say.

Kim interupted him, clamping his mouth shut. "Nope, she's not. A total slut. Now, about our building materials and other supplies?"

"I'll deliver them by tomorrow" the mayor delcared. "Until then, missy...um, your name?"

"Kalvina" Kim replied, smiling. "Kalvina is looking forward to it, bye bye."

The mayor left to get some supplies and Kim filled Walker, Jerry, TJ and Hayley on the whole situation.

"So wait...Kalvina is Kalvin?" Walker asked, chuckling. "Oh, this is going to be fun."

"Kalvina is a lady, so we should be kind to her" Jerry replied.

"Aye, cap'n" Chatot laughed.

"Um...no. Kalvina is a slut. Kalvin almost gave himself away. So, until we can get enough money to move, we need to make sure the mayor keeps thinking Kalvin is a girl."


	3. Chapter 3

Farm Expansion

Chapter 3: Growing Apples

TJ, Kim, Hayley and Kalvin were setting up apples seeds for planting. "You know, maybe you should let the men handle this" TJ said, looking at Kalvin. "Go inside, woman."

"Man, I'm not a girl!" he grunted. "Kim, this is all your fault."

"How is it my fault you are an attractive woman?" Kim asked.

"I'm not a girl" he sighed. "I never was. You got me roped into a situation and now, I'll never get a date."

"Not true" Kim smiled. "I'm sure we can find an eligible bachelor who would love to..." Mr. Mayor showed up with a box of choclates.

"Kalvina! I'm looking for Kalvina, is she here?"

"No" Kalvin replied, smiling. "No she isn't. My name is Kalvin. I'm Kalvina..."

"He means he's her brother" Kim corrected. "Go get your sister. Oh and Mr. Mayor, Kalvina said she wants a sheep named Hairball."

"I'll have it delivered in the morning. Now, where is Kalvina at?"

"Right here!" Kalvina announced. "I needed my makeup." he was in his regular clothes.

"Um...you're a guy."

"No joke" Kalvin sighed. "See? What I was trying to tell you is..."

"She's not home?" TJ asked.

"Uh...yeah, she's not home. She went out with the guys for drinks."

"Oooh, I'll go to the bar immedietly!" He ran away and Kalvin got into a pink dress.

Hayley stared at the seeds. "Grow! Grow seeds, grow!"

"Hayley, seeds don't grow just because you yell at them" Kim explained, lighting up a pack of dynamite.

"That won't work either" Tj smiled. "It takes time."

Hayley poured on miracle grow and apples began growing everywhere. "Ahhhhhhhhh! TJ, Kim! Apple battle stations!" They began immedietly whacking the fruit with hoes. "And we killed them, finally. We killed our crop. Noooo!"

Jerry and Walker returned with some plants. "Yo! So, did the apple seeds grow yet?" Jerry asked.

"No, not at all."


	4. Chapter 4

Farm Expansion

Chapter 4: Sheds

"Got the shed up!" TJ said with pride. The wind picked up and the shed fell to pieces. "The shed is gone. It's...I need to play a song. On my banjo..." He looked for his banjo. "Oh, I don't get a recurring joke in this, huh?"

Hayley and Jerry put up a new shed in half the time. "See Cap'n? I told you that wood works better than grapefruit."

"Welll, yeah. Of course it does. Who would build a shed out of grapefruit?"

TJ looked at his ruined grapefruit shed and quickly began kicking them into the pond. "Guys, maybe we should go to the beach. I've heard that if we go quickly, we may see sprites."

"Sprites?" Jerry asked. "Real men drink dr. pepper."

"Aye! The cap'n drinks it cause it has dr. in the title. And he's a doctor."

"Chatot, they know" Jerry frowned. "They all know. Even your secret hiding place."

"In the barn?" Chatot asked.

"No. But, now I do" Jerry said. They walked to the beach and found an empty beach.

"There was supposed to be some sprites around here" TJ said, looking around. "Ah! A sprite!" He grabbed it and held tight.

"Let go!" he yelled.

"Give me wishes!" TJ yelled, squeezing tightly.

"That's not a genie" Jerry frowned. "Let me." He took the sprite, then squeezed it himself.

"Gold! I want all your gold, ittle leperchaun!" he cried.

"He's a sprite" Hayley replied, hitting them with hammer. "What's your name?"

"My name is..."

"It's what?" she asked. The sprite leaned close and belched, causing Jerry to squash it between his toes.

"No!" Hayley yelled.

"What? I squashed a shell. That Sprite got away." He pointed to a shell, then looked at his foot. "Whoops. Luckily, Chatot is a doctor."

"Cap'n, you're the doctor."

"Not a certified one!" Jerry argued back.

"He's okay" Hayley replied.

"Oh...see TJ? Look what you did."

"I didn't do it, you did!" TJ yelled back.

"What? Chatot, Hayley? Who hurt the sprite?" Everyone pointed to TJ "That's our story, TJ."

"Why not blame Kalvina?" TJ asked.

"Yeah..." Jerry agreed.


End file.
